| Horrible Histories November 2012 |
| Copyright (C) BBC |
WELCOME TO HORRIBLE HISTORIES MAGAZINE
NASTY NEWS - HORRIBLE TV EXCLUSIVE
FOUL FACTS - 10 VILE VILLAINS & CRUEL CRIMINALS
WIN - MEET THE TERRIBLE TUDORS
CRUEL COMPETITIONS - WICKED WIN
DEADLY DRAWINGS - SAVAGE CAESAR (PHOTO ARTICLE)
GRUESOME QUIZ - PUTRID PUZZLES
Section Index
WELCOME TO HORRIBLE HISTORIES MAGAZINE
- THE FOULEST, FUNNIEST AND WEIRDEST MAGAZINE IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD!
Tomas de Torquemada was a monk in the fifteenth century. He hung people from the ceiling and tortured them if he thought they didn't support the Church.
In the 1700s, it was legal to use the bodies of dead criminals for experiments.
In 1688, Marie Aubry killed her husband and left his body-parts hidden around London. Her husband was a nasty man, but this was an awful act too!
Not all cruel criminals are clever-criminals. In the 1840s - John Francis tried to shoot Queen Victoria, but he put tobacco in his pistol and not bullets. Duh!
NASTY NEWS - HORRIBLE TV EXCLUSIVE
SECRETS AND STORIES FROM BEHIND THE CAMERAS OF THE FUNNIEST AND FOULEST TV SHOW EVER!
PILOT: STANISLAV
ACTOR: SIMON FARNABY
OMG! Second World War RAF pilots weren’t all British – Stanislav is actually Czechoslovakian!
PILOT: FRANTISEK
ACTOR: BEN WILLBOND
HUH?! This Polish pilot reckons he’ll be lucky to survive five missions in the skies against the Germans.
PILOT: STINKY
ACTOR: MAT BAYNTON
UH OH! Some pilots were very unprepared – this one says he’s had just ten hours training!
PILOT: DOUGLAS BADER
ACTOR: JIM HOWICK
WOW! Famous RAF pilot Bader had wooden legs after a flying accident earlier in his career.
PILOT: SQUIFFY
ACTOR: LARRY RICKARD
LOL! The posh pilots often had stupid nicknames - Squiffy sounds like a hamster!
WHAT DOES RAF MEAN?
A. ROYAL AIRLINE FLYING
B. ROYALS ARE FAMOUS
C. ROYAL AIR FORCE
(ANSWER AT THE BOTTOM OF THIS ARTICLE)
FOUL FOOD FACTS!
Rich Romans loved to eat dormice. They fed them with walnuts, acorns and chestnuts to make them fat before they were killed, stuffed and served on a plate.
British soldiers fighting in the First World War often had to eat tinned bully beef, which was like corned beef, and mix it with raw onions and hard biscuits!
Savage Stone-Agers ate awful animal feet, lungs and tongues as a special treat. You wouldn't fancy that for your school dinner, would you?
TERRIBLE TV - SCARY STUFF!
If you missed the awesome 'scary special horrible histories halloween show recently, then don't moan like a wicked witch. Just go to www.hhmag.co.uk and click on 'awful extras to see lots of top tV show videos.
ANSWER TO RAF QUESTION:
C ROYAL AIR FORCE
FOUL FACTS - 10 VILE VILLAINS & CRUEL CRIMINALS
1 MARY TUDOR
Henry VIII's daughter burned people who refused to convert to Catholicism to death, including the Archbishop of Canterbury.
2 POPE ALEXANDER VI
Rodrigo Borgia, head of the Borgia family, bribed his way to becoming pope and was famous for murdering his enemies. What a rotten Rod!
3 RASPUTIN
This mad monk was said to have influenced the Tsarina of Russia with his mind-control powers. His assassins had to poison, shoot and drown him until he finally died...
4 BURKE AND HARE
These famous body-snatchers never snatched a single body! They just murdered people then sold their corpses to medical science.
5 WILEY HARPE
US outlaw Wiley Harpe was caught when he tried to claim the reward for another criminal, Sam Mason. They were both executed and their heads were stuck on poles next to each other.
6 DON CARLOS
This prince of Spain liked torturing animals - he once bit the head off a snake!
7 VLAD THE IMPALER
This cruel ruler of Romania liked to stick prisoners on the top of sharpened poles. He was so evil the character of Count Dracula is based on him!
8 EMPEROR NERO
Ruthless Roman Nero had his step-brother, both his wives and his mother killed. He wouldn't have a very big team on Family Fortunes, would he?
9 MAXIMILIEN ROBESPIERRE
During the French Revolution Robespierre led the 'Reign of Terror, where 1,285 people were sent to the guillotine in just six weeks. That's a lot to chop!
10 BLACKBEARD
The pirate Blackbeard was so strong he could split a man from his head to his waist with one blow of his cutlass!
TOILET TROUBLE!
Ancient Romans didn't have fancy things like toilet paper.
Most Romans just cleaned themselves with a sponge.
They dipped the sponge in a bucket of water to clean it when they used it - that's totally disgusting!
Roman public toilets had a long bench with holes on top. There were no dividing walls - you just sat next to your friend and did your business!
Perilous pirates loved to fight with swords, guns and cannons when they raided merchant vessels. As if that wasn't dangerous enough, some putrid pirates like Blackbeard were said to kill their own men for a greater share of any treasure they stole!
FOR MORE MAGAZINE NEWS GO TO... HHMAG.CO.UK
EXCLUSIVE PRIZES! - HORRIBLE HISTORIES DVD OR XBOX 360
BE THE FIRST FOR HORRIBLE HISTORIES NEWS - SIGN UP TO OUR... NASTY NEWSLETTER AND WIN PRIZES!
WATCH HORRIBLE VIDEOS!
VOTE IN OUR PUTRID POLLS!
IT'S A WEBSITE FOR SORE EYES!
WIN - MEET THE TERRIBLE TUDORS
ENTER FOR THE CHANCE TO HAVE THE HORRIBLE HISTORIES THEATRE SHOW VISIT YOUR SCHOOL!
ENTER BY EMAIL: Email your answer, name, address and telephone number to 5422@hhcomp.co.uk
ENTER BY TEXT: Text COMP HH + win code + either A or B (without any spaces) and your name and full be address to 66644. For example, text COMP HH5343A John Smith, 25 The Avenue, London, NW12 6XP. Entry cost will however much your mobile phone company charges for one normal text message (SMS) at the time you enter.
One winner will have the amazing Horrible Histories live stage show, which is touring UK theatres with The Terrible Tudors, visit their school and perform a one-off special workshop!
- Take part in an X Factor-style audition process!
- See inside a Tudor courtroom, where three accused will be judged by the school!
- Talk to the Tudors about the shocking secrets of their ruthless reign!
One winner gets the Tudor Crime & Punishment workshop, from the Horrible Histories Terrible Tudors live stage show, to come to their school, plus a family ticket to a show of their choice. One runner-up will win a family ticket show. Included here is a full list of tour venues.
WHICH OF THESE WAS ONE OF HENRY VIII'S WIVES?
A. Anne Boleyn
B. Anne Bulance
Win code: 5422
Email: 5422@hhcomp.co.uk
Competition Closing Date: 11.59pm on 15 December 2012
www.birminghamstage.com
SHOW VENUES: Nottingham, Poole, Cardiff, Newtown, Redhill, Hayes, Windsor, Croydon, Llanelli, Salford, Blackpool, Southend, Hackney, Coventry, Whitley Bay, Guildford, Aberdeen, Crawley, Bournemouth, Billingham, York, Kings Lynn, Buxton, Edinburgh, Scunthorpe, Dorking, Watford, Shanklin, Northampton.
COMPETITION RULES: The competition closes at 11:59pm on 15th December 2012. The prize is for Neal Foster, Actor and Director of Horrible Histories, to attend the school of the winner. The session will consist of a Tudor Crime and Punishment workshop. This involves a warm up, an X Factor audition process and a dramatisation of a Tudor courtroom in which three accused are judged by the school, followed by questions about the Tudors and Horrible Histories. It would last one hour. The winner and a runner-up will also receive a family ticket (two parents or guardians and two children under 18 years) to a TERRIBLE TUDORS and VILE VICTORIANS Birmingham Stage Show at a location of their choice. All timings and activity is subject to change and approval of the school. The winning entry will be selected by an independent panel appointed by the Horrible Histories team. Normal competition rules apply.
LAUGH OUT LOUD!
WHAT WOULD HENRY VIII'S FAVOURITE TV SHOW BE? Wife swap!
WHICH GREEK LEADER WAS THE BEST OF THE BUNCH? Alexander The grape
WHY DID THE SMALL VIKING GO TO THE DOCTOR? Because he was a little norse!
WHY DID THE KNIGHT KEEP HIS HORSE IN A BARN? To give it a stable environment!
HOW WAS THE ROMAN EMPIRE CUT IN HALF? With a pair of caesars!
WHY DID CLEOPATRA FALL IN LOVE WITH MARK ANTHONY? He was a roman-tic!
WHAT DID CHARLES I THINK OF THE ENGLISH CIVIL WAR? He thought it was so good he lost his head!
YOUR JOKES
EDIE FROM ESSEX
WHY DID JULIUS CAESAR BUY CRAYONS? To Mark Anthony!
LISA FROM READING
QUEEN VICTORIA WAS VISITING A TOWN AND THEY WANTED TO NAME A ROAD AFTER HER. SHE WAS VERY HAPPY UNTIL SHE FOUND IT WOULD BE CALLED VICTORIA MEWS. "We are happy to be a city street," she said. "But we are not a Mews!"
HECTOR FROM ABERDEEN
WHAT'S AN EXECUTIONER'S FAVOURITE WAY TO COOK AN EGG? Eggs-terminate!
SEND US YOUR VILE JOKES
Email or post your jokes to us - the best ones will get in the magazine!
EMAIL: shout@hhmag.co.uk
WRITE TO: Horrible Histories, Vineyard House, 44 Brook Green, London W6 7BT
SING ALONG WITH HENRY VIII AND ELIZABETH I, TWO OF ENGLAND'S MOST RUTHLESS RULERS!
ELIZABETH: Anyone who's lived around these parts Or ever knew'd us, Is well aware that you should never mess With the Tudors...
ELIZABETH: My grandad Henry VII, He beat King Richard. That's him pictured, Defeating the Tyke.
ELIZABETH: He liked his name so much that, To keep alive his memory, He called his own son Henry. What was he like?!
ELIZABETH: Everyone said Henry The Eighth was a baddie. I have to agree, Even though he was my daddy...
'Cause we're Tudors Britain's biggest feuders And just like barracudas We kill with methods foul...
Tudors! Each enemy a Judas At least we're not as rude as Simon Cowell...
HENRY: My reign was quite notorious, I liked to hunt and slaughter... ELIZABETH: But then you had a daughter, Mary was her name.
HENRY: It was a son I wanted, So I divorced her mother. ELIZABETH: Then wife two had another.
HENRY: A girl? Not again!
Tudor! Superior to you, duh HENRY: Who followed me as ruler? ELIZABETH: Best not to ask...
HENRY: It must have been my laddie. ELIZABETH: Yes, sickly little Eddie, Was ill and soon got dead-y. HENRY: And who came next?
ELIZABETH: Your daughters then took over,
First came bloody Mary
My sister's rule
was scary,
So all hail me...
Tudors!
The history books reviewed us
As nutters and big bruisers
Who'd kill and cull...
ELIZABETH: I never had an heir
So our reign ended there
We may not have been fair
But we were never dull!
LYRICS: DAVE COHEN
CRUEL COMPETITIONS - WICKED WIN
ENTER BY EMAIL: Email your answer, name, address and telephone number to the address under each competition.
ENTER BY TEXT: Text COMP HH + win code + either A or B (without any spaces) and your name and full address to 66644. For example, text COMP HH5343A John Smith, 25 The Avenue, London, NW12 6XP. Entry cost will be however much your mobile phone company charges for one normal text message (SMS) at the time you enter.
PLAYSTATION AND WORMS COLLECTION
Worm Collection is the most explosive compilation of Worms games ever, and is out now for Xbox 360 and PlayStation 3! One lucky winner gets a PlayStation 3 console and a Worms Collection game, and three runners-up will get the Worms Collection game for the PS3.
WHAT DID GEORGIAN LADIES PUT ON THEIR FACES TO MAKE THEMSELVES LOOK MORE ATTRACTIVE?
A. Lead paint
B. Mud
Win code: 5419
Email: 5419@hhmag.co.uk
www.wormscollectiongames.comw
LEGO GAMES
We've got three great LEGO Games to give away to five readers! For a chance to win LEGO Creationary, LEGO City Alarm and Star Wars: The Battle Of Hoth just answer the question below.
WHAT WAS EMPEROR COMMODUS'S FAVOURITE THING TO DO?
A. Rule wisely and fairly
B. Run around an arena killing animals
Win code: 5418
Email: 5418@hhmag.co.uk
LEGO and the LEGO logo are trademarks of the LEGO Group. 2012 The LEGO Group.
games.LEGO.co.uk
COMPETITION CLOSING DATE: 11.59PM ON 12 DECEMBER 2012
COMPETITION RULES: You must make sure that we have your entries by 11.59pm, 12 December 2012.
1. You can enter if you live in England, Wales, Scotland, Northern Ireland or the Channel Islands, but not if someone who lives in your house works for the Immediate Media Company.
2. By entering the competition, you accept that Immediate Media Company London Limited, as the publishers of Horrible Histories magazine, is the promoter of this competition and promise to us that you have read these rules and that you will follow them.
3. We can't include entries which arrive too late and we can't accept responsibility if your entry is lost, delayed, ineligible or fraudulent.
4. We will choose the winners at random from all of the right answers that we receive.
5. One entry per household. We don't allow bulk entries or entries made by other people on your behalf. We will disqualify all entries which break this rule.
6. If you win, you will receive the prize described. We won't swap the prize for cash. If there's ever a reason why we can't give you exactly the same prize, we'll give you something just as good or better instead.
7. Winners will be contacted within 28 days of a competition closing date, either by post, telephone or email.
8. If we contact you to tell you you're a winner, but you don't reply within a month, we may have to offer the prize to a runner-up or give it away in a future competition. Your details: We will use your name, address and any other details that you give us to run this competition. If you win, we will pass them to the person who's providing the prize so that they can post it to you, and we may use your first name and county in the magazine or on our website but we won't provide them to anyone else without your permission. You can find out the winner's first name and county once the competition is over by sending an SAE to Competition Rules, ATTN: Marketing Assistant, Horrible Histories magazine, Immediate Media Company London Limited, Vineyard House, 44 Brook Green, London W6 7BT. Remember to tell us which magazine, issue number and competition you'd like to know about.
DEADLY DRAWINGS - SAVAGE CAESAR (PHOTO ARTICLE)
HORRIBLE HISTORIES ARTIST MARTIN BROWN SHOWS YOU HOW TO DRAW THE RUTHLESS ROMAN LEADER JULIUS CAESAR
1 Martin says: "I often use research books, and the internet, to remind me of what historical characters looked like. Caesar images like this one will help."
2 "Establish the basic shape of the head and shoulders. Caesar has a very long face with a square, pointy chin."
3 "I've put his eyes higher up his face to help create a long nose. One eye slightly bigger helps his pained expression."
TOP TIP
BE PREPARED TO PRACTISE DIFFERENT-STYLES
4 "Again, using the internet can remind you of what a roman toga dress would have looked like."
5 "Clothes can be a bit tricky, but i want to make sure the toga falls correctly over his shoulder."
6 "The position of the daggers are important as they are key to the story behind Caesar's death."
7 "Draw over pencil lines with a pen and start to add more fine detail. i'm leaving his ear quite basic, to focus on the eyes and daggers."
TOP TIP
ADD YOUR OWN SPEECH BUBBLE FOR A LAUGH!
8 "Cross-hatching on his toga adds more character. then you can rub out the pencil lines."
9 "Here's the final version - i look just as shocked as Caesar does!"
YOU WON'T BELIEVE THE NAUGHTY THINGS THEY DID!
THE NORMANS RAMPAGED AROUND EUROPE FOR NEARLY 200 YEARS, AND TOOK CONTROL OF ENGLAND AFTER WILLIAM THE CONQUEROR WON THE BATTLE OF HASTINGS IN 1066.
WICKED WILL REVEALED!
Norman leader William the Conqueror was a ruthless ruler. When King Harold was beaten in 1066 his arms, legs and head were chopped off. Urgh!
DEADLY DAD SHOCK!
The Earl of Pembroke was such a nasty Norman, he cut his own son in half at the waist because he said the boy was a weak coward!
SECRET WEAPON EXPOSED!
When the Norman Crusaders faced a deadly weapon called Greek Fire, which set their ships alight, they often poured their wee on it to stop the burning!
SPECIAL SAINTS STRIKE!
The Normans believed saints protected them and brought them luck. Their most famous saint was Saint George - he's said to have helped 130 Normans defeat thousands in the Crusades. Whatever, George!
PRISON BREAK!
King Henry I didn't get on with his brothers. He went to war with one, King William II, and later locked up his older bro Robert for nearly 30 years. Robert died in his Cardiff Castle prison aged 80.
LOUSY LETTERS
NASTY NOTES
FRIGHTFUL FUN
WIN!
EVERY FAN PRINTED ON THIS PAGE WINS A HORRIBLE HISTORIES STATIONERY SET!
HORRIBLE PARTY!
Dear HH mag, Here's a picture of me at my birthday party. i'm the one dressed as Dick turpin the highwayman!
LAURA, FROM SURREY
MEET THE STARS!
Hi HH mag, I went to the BFI in March with some friends and we met the entire cast of Horrible Histories! this is a photo of us with ben Willbond, we can't wait for the new series and we love your magazine!
SAPPHI, FROM LONDON
ASK TERRY DEARY
Terry Deary, the author of Horrible Histories, will answer your questions about absolutely anything in history. Send your questions to this address:
Horrible Histories,
Vineyard House,
44 Brook Green,
London
W6 7BT
and mark them "Ask Terry"! Look out for his answers in a future issue.
VICIOUS VIKING DRAWINGS!
We'll announce the winner of our Viking drawing competition next issue, but here are a few of our favourite entries so far.
Liam from Manchester
Charlotte from Reading
Adam from Dollar
Louis from Shoreham-by-Sea
WE WANT YOUR SAVAGE STUFF!
Write to: Horrible Histories,
Vineyard House,
44 Brook Green,
London
W6 7BT
Email: shout@hhmag.co.uk
GRUESOME QUIZ - PUTRID PUZZLES
CAN YOU ANSWER OUR DEVILISHLY DIFFICULT QUESTIONS?
WHICH KING GEORGE IS THIS?
1 I went totally mad at the end of my reign. KING GEORGE...
2 I was really fat, but wore a corset to make myself look thinner. KING GEORGE...
3 I tried to lead an army into battle on horseback but the horse ran away. KING GEORGE...
4 I died from a really bad attack of diarrhoea. KING GEORGE...
MONARCH MASH-UP!
WHICH MONARCH IS THIS?
1 I sent my nephews to the Tower of London.
2 I ordered the death of two of my wives.
3 My head was cut off with an axe.
4 I was sentenced to death by Elizabeth I.
PIECE OF MIND
Which of these was a real person in the Wild West?
CALAMITY JANE
UNLUCKY ANDY
AWFUL IDA
WHO ARE YA?
I was shot in 1914 by Gavrilo Princip.
I was so fat that I was stitched into my coat - doctors couldn't cut it open in time and I died.
My death was one of the causes of the First World War.
WHO WAS I?
A) RIO FERDINAND
B) FRANZ FERDINAND
C) SIR FRANCIS BACON
STUPID DEATHS!
These are some of my favourite deaths! Match the Monarch with the stupid death...
KING EDMUND II
KING HENRY I
PHILIP IV OF FRANCE
ATE TOO MANY EELS AND DIED OF DIARRHOEA
RIPPED APART BY A WILD BOAR ON A HUNT
STABBED IN THE BUM WHILE ON THE TOILET
ANSWERS COMING UP IN THE NEXT ARTICLE
WHICH KING GEORGE IS THIS?
A. III
B. IV
C. II
D. I
MONARCH MASH-UP:
Richard III,
Henry VIII,
Charles I,
Mary queen of Scots
PIECE OF MIND:
Calamity Jane
WHO ARE YA?
B. Franz Ferdinand
STUPID DEATHS!
Edmund II - Stabbed in the bum on the toilet!
Henry I - Ate too many eels!
Philip IV - Ripped apart by a wild boar!
FIND THE FIB AMONG THE FACTS!
1 When Egyptian embalmers prepared a body for mummification, - they would pull its brains out of its nose with a hook.
2 Workers who built the Pyramids were partly paid in radishes and garlic.
3 Queen Cleopatra was said to be the most beautiful woman in all of Egypt.
ANSWERS:
1. TRUE: Sometimes the embalmer stuck the hook through the nose, sliced up the brain and then let it drip out of the nose like porridge!
2. TRUE: They can’t have been very happy with that! Still, it was better than being a Roman soldier – sometimes they got paid in salt!
3. FALSE: Historians say she had a long, hooked nose, a thick neck and looked like a man!